My trip to philly and the time spent with mother.

Last Friday, I left work, ran home, then hopped in my family's honda with my mother for the drive to rittenhouse square philly.

My (step-)grandmother lives there in a beautiful building with marble everything from floor to ceiling. This lady, is not just my grandmother, she is mentor. She knows when to ask me about politics, (only early in the morning or late at night)when I'm sad, sick, or confused, and what to say to me 24/7 to help me fix it.

I didn't get to meet her untill I was 12 years old. I knew she exsisted untill that time, but nothing else. She never had kids, and being the oldest of the kids in my family-line, I got to be her first grandchild.

I guess that makes me spoiled in a way, as my brother and i ended up as the only grandkids that didn't dismiss her as our grandfather's "hussy". I will never understand why anybody in their right mind would dismiss her (or anyone for that matter) as such a derogatory being.

She was a co-worker of my grandfather's and she loved to fly. I don't blame him for loving her. She was perfect for him. They loved each other with everything they had, and everytime I think about her facial expressions when I mention him, I want to cry. (No, I'm not crying because I'm sick and feel like crap)

So, she is an amazing human being, who I love with every ounce of myself. Early last week, she fell down the granite stairs of her apt building, breaking her arm, wrist, and requiring lots of stiches. She told me that she
~"miscalculated the number of steps because I was carrying too much stuff to see, and then rather than tumbling down the stairs, I flew. It was a rough landing, but I walked away from it."

Mom and I went to visit her and take care of her for the weekend. My mom and I are not best-friends. We tolerate each other only because we love one another. If we were not related we would never speak to each other again. Often that is what we have tried, but the damned spawner-spawnee relationship inevitably rears its ugly head.

We rarely do things together, and those things are limited to family events, and spritzed with an occasional girlie-movie cause no one else will go with us.
A 3+ hour trip with her as my co-pilot was not an exciting prospect.

I-95 was backed up. The country station went to commercial. "NOOO!!!!!!" I screamed inside my head, hoping that mom would look out the window and enjoy the commercials. To no avail, she turns, not just head, but full body, towards me and says... "You know, you will find someone who gets it eventually."

Puzzled, I say "What's that?
She continues. A guy. That understands what you are, that isn't afraid of you and everything that goes with you.
I sigh knowing I'm in for a long drive.

She tells me that so far, guys my age are still afriad of me. I have "it" together, a good job, a great future for advance, I'm smart, I'm educated, I'm determinded, I'm tall, and beautiful. (I quietly scoff at the last part.)
She continued. you're a threat to everyone, in their jobs, their love-lives, and their belief-systems. People look up to you, and they therefore do not believe they deserve any affilliation or relationship with you.
Which explains why guys who get to know you freak out. (my mom knows can use freak out in context? weird.)

~~I know that people do freak out on me. They are fine, then one day, they instantly hate that "She is good at everything, and I hate loosing all the time to her." "She's perfect and I am not good enough." {or my favorite} "Why doesn't everyone hate her? Everyone should hate her, because she's snobby and everyone likes her and she gets everything." (direct quotes might i add)~~

Mom has a small point buried in the muck of "I love my daughter adjectives" people are intimidated. I find this ironic. I'm quiet and shy, unassuming, I don't like to draw attention to myself, and hardly ever speak unless absolutely necessary; yet I'm intimidating. Sad.

My boss feels the same way in his new job. He told me he hates giving speeches, because he knows that he's always talking to a room of highly-ingrained professionals, so he can't make any misstakes. He gets nervous and over-prepares, while his predecessor would have spoken off-the-cuff and with easeof-BS. That makes me like him even more. And gives me something to identify with. He's this very well-known and important guy, and the things that made me nervous about working with him are the same things that he is uncomfortable within himself.

Mom managed to make me really sad for the future. Not because I think I'm wonderful, but because I scare others, and I'm afraid that the kind of person that can handle that is going to be in very short supply. My mom told me not to settle. That I'm smarter than I think, and that even though the future in the friends/relationships dept. looks grim, that I just have to seize every opportunity. *sigh*

My grandma is rough looking, but she's a trooper, so she'll be fine. I got to spend the weekend with her, and even though I'm sick I didn't really notice untill I got in the car to drive back home. The ride home was full of mom yelling at my driving, the cars around us, and the traffic because of the beach/travellers/closing of the WW bridge. Beautiful weekend.