I'm a workaholic. I can admit it. I own it. Most times I am actually perversely proud of it. Recently however, I have realized that I have set myself up for this as a life trend. Its really not that terrible until I reach that point where my manager makes me draft an explanation as to why I have worked enough for two weeks in one. Why do I work so much? Because inherently I am a perfectionist, I hate leaving work undone, and this is my lively hood. I think that at this point in my life, I still have the drive and energy to maintain this craziness and sanity at the same time, thus I should drive on.
I am not stupid. I would just like to say that in writing. legal record. I AM NOT STUPID. I may be neurotic, and entirely too cerebral, but I'm not a moron. Nothing pisses me off more than someone insinuating that I am dumb because I'm blond. In fact, this has angered me enough to change my hair color many multiple times to something else, only to find that it has nothing to do with the hair, rather some people just insist that I am dumb. I hate them and I hate that they say that. I think with age this insistence has forced me to become the anti-blond. In other words, I don't act all cute and smiley, I don't say my age, and I certainly do not wear revealing clothes. There is a fine line to walk to where I would become completely terrifying, bitchy, and sarcastic; and I feel like I am tottering into the danger zone.
I am sick and tired of people feeling that they can freely judge me and tell me what they think, and that it actually matters that they have an opinion on me.
Yesterday I got "you come from money" --far from it. I come from intelligent people, generally, but there are exceptions, and few even own their own dwellings, thus I would say a giant resounding no on that fact. I would say that the proof is that although I have gone to great schools, 3/4s of my life was on scholarship. Elementary and Middle school, private exclusive school, to which I had a scholarship. A Bout with public high school, and on to private college on scholarship.
The day before that I got... "she cant drive" and "you're so blond no one takes you seriously" --to which I say, If I can't drive, then how do I make the 4hrs per day drive? How have I only been in one accident ever, (where my foot slipped and I tapped a car with no damage to either?) and who are you to say that about me? FUKC YOU. As for the no one takes me seriously.. that is your fault, not mine. Obviously since I make more than you and have moved up twice as fast. I'm not lacking in some department that you are FUKC YOU TOO.
How about "you look pregnant in that dress" well, that would require sex to be pregnant, so I know that's not the case (unless its God or the aliens...) and I can't look any fatter than I did the last time I wore this dress because I was 20lbs heavier then. Did I tell you you look fat in that shirt? Cause you look fat in all your shirts because you are fat. so ... SHUT THE HELL UP.
Or perhaps "people think your a snob because you don't smile" and "you won't have to worry about having wrinkles cause you can't get them from frowning" FUKC YOU. Maybe I am a snob. Maybe I hate stupid people that make snap judgements about perceived issues within others lives, and maybe I hate people that don't have their own lives together, yet insist upon judging mine. FU again, because I hate you and the fact that we are related. No I do not think I should be around more because you are all insensitive pricks, and I am trying really hard not to tell you to your faces. I hate that you have no drive, that you are sexist, and that all you value are the same things high schoolers value; looks, popularity, and sporting prowess. I am also insanely bitter that myself and my counterpart are treated completely differently, and that because he fulfills the high school values, everything is a gift for him. FUKC YOU ALL. I left for a reason, and if I had not been poor, I never would have come back.
How about "I'm married, but I would love to 'hang out' with you"---I bet you would. Sucks for you DIKC HEAD. Go find a prostitute on K st. I'm sure they could help you.
Possibly "you should date _____ (fill in blank with any number of names)______ because he can take care of you and you would have great kids!" If I wanted someone to take care of me, I would be marrying a billionaire, not Fill-in-blank guys. If I needed someone to take care of me, I would hire someone. I do not NEED anyone, I CHOOSE to hang out with them. If I was so deprived that I NEEDED someone I would kill myself. On that note, if I wanted someone who would treat me as a commodity, I would already be married. Any of my exes would have been perfect for that. I do not want kids, I want freedom from 9mos of wondering what my toes look like. I think that it would be an injustice to any child I would have to bring them up in this world where there is such outstanding inequality, God help them if they were a girl. Just because it is "normal" does not mean it is right. I think it is irresponsible of you to bring a child into a rocky relationship, and I don't think that just because you are pregnant you should have it. I think you should realize that your husband is a douche bag, and you are both ignorant for putting up with the crap that goes on between you. I think you never should have married in the first place, and you should stop telling me what you think about my choices. Obviously you are not someone I mold my life after, so knock it off.
and finally "why do you have to get your hair done, it seems like a waste of time and money to me" ---listen chicka. If any one should be chiding someone about wastes? it should certainly not be you. You have two boyfriends, only admit to one, and they are both losers. Talk about a waste of your and our money and time. And don't ever make me go to a party with either of them ever again, because I might throw them off the roof for being poor hosts and losers in general. I can't help it that I'm pretty. Don't hate BIZACH.
or "I haven't heard from you and missed you at the beach" I hate you too. You are skanky, dirty, and backstabbing. I will only be using you from now on. FUKC YOU.
As you can tell, I need a vacation.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
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