10 Reasons why i will never have children.

1) I will be forevermore bitter that I have been "Blessed" "Dah--lin.. you've got those wonduhful child burin' hips Iah always wished i had, Labur wusjus so much trubul with this one here" (as my suthurn friend once said to me).

2) Not because I can't handle pain. I assure you I can. Its more the ... following the line of hair-flipping peers that are picking up formula and diet pills after willingly submitting to lots of pain for multiple hours.

3) Because "the family" has a 50/50 shot, on one side the genes are brilliant, the other side? friggin idiots.

4) Because there is a chance I would have a daughter. One more future beauty-queen in my mother's eyes. ew.

5) Because I have very little empathy for anyone. I'm jaded, exacting, and I would be the strictest mother ever. Drill sargent-like.

6) Because they will inevitably be either as uber-cool as my football playing brother is, or as uber-geeky as his chess team and yearbook editor older sister. Neither of which I would be to helpful to. Popular? congradufrickinlations kid. that just means you are not slated for world-domination, merely the nfl. Geektastic? Your childhood will suck. sorry. You will be locked in lockers for hours like your mother, you will be ridiculed by teachers, and probably have the opposite sex date you only as a result of bets, but there is always that lingering hope of world-domination to look forward to.

7) Because I am too competitive. Jockiness runs in my family, so I would most likely have at least one jock. I would be the worst ex-ncaa athlete mother ever.

8) Because I know that genetic seemliness is hard to live up to. Perfect parents expect perfect offspring.

9) Because people hate seeming perfection.

10)Because I know I would be a great mother. With all of my imperfections, I am everlastingly determinded. That being said, I have high expectations of everyone around me, and a child would follow suit. Thus when they made a misstep, I would be heartbroken, and would feel as though I failed. Failure I am not good with.