Spring time in the city. Beautiful. Cherry blossoms surround the waters of the Potomac, the birds chirp, and the tourists appear in droves. Yes, tourists, this posting is for you.
You, fine people, are the Rolex on our already established city. We, the locals love that you come to our city, steeped in history which we have no time to appreciate, to spend your money. Other than your "hard-earned family vacation spending money", we don't like you. We tolerate you, and oftentimes not well.
You further clog our already teeming streets with your touring buses violently expelling your country-bumpkin attitudes: obviously disregarding pedestrian traffic signals, calling for cabs when you alone weighing 600lbs could not fit in the grand marquis-much less your two 300lbs 6yr olds and 700lb wife, and becoming the inevitable cherry blossom snarl in which you insist that parking lot is free thus you must park there; god help us locals just trying to get home around your mini-vans from Arkansas.
You folks, are the reason other nations hate us. Your blatant disregard for all laws, social graces, and cleanliness push our fair city into the dark ages for the warm months of spring and summer. Those of us who live/work in the national capital region prefer to mind our own business, not answer your directional queries. We are not lifeguards to save you from the hunger pains of our vast metropolis; we prefer in fact, to maintain our definitive stroke, speedy and uninterrupted by your negligence.
If you visit the NCR, please plan accordingly. Make a plan. Know the difference between the inner and outer beltway and what that implies to your trip to the African American history museum in Anacostia. Don't drive 2mi/hr and photograph monuments/landmarks (you could be plotting a terrorist attack, and we would recognize that fact and warn the appropriate authorities).
Avoid walking into the street in front of our cars. Most of us have been in them for hours or will be, thus we will have no problems scaring the hell out of you, capping you, or mowing you over for the points we paint on the fender to show off to our friends. Beware, the faster you move the higher your point value.
Finally, when on the metro, stay out of our way. We are going to make that train arriving, and if we have to take you with us lineman-style, we have no issues with that. In fact, if you land on us we might sue you. When you head up/down the escalator, stand with all your crap on the right side. Do not mosey over to the left. This is for serious commuters who have an SOP, and will refuse to take any of your ambling bullshit.
Just a friendly FYI from your NCR workers.
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