Somebody once said to me...

"Why you? Because to put simply, I think you are beautiful in every
possible way. & who knows, things may be different one day. "

WOW. That, was a reply to a "I just want to be friends" speech I once gave. He was one of my best friends, who even though I was committed, believed that if I only knew how he really felt I would abandon my serial-monogamy lifestyle and become his.

Granted, as cold as I often may seem, I tend to be a bit of a guarded romantic, so this statement caused me to rethink the speech I had just relayed. The fact that someone was first open about something like that, even when I had just (nicely mind you) rejected him, made me wonder how one could go through life without the reciprocation of affection.

Brez told me the other day that he didn't date anyone after el diablo and before me. He of course knows that I dated everyone and their grandfathers... (j/k) so I was taken aback. All this time, I had pictured him out with a billion girls just like I was out with guys. I was so consumed with myself, that I didn't even notice that he never mentioned a girls name, told me about a date, or even laughed at how some girl had some random idiosyncrasy... because I was so wrapped up in me.

In me, in the hippy, the hot old guy, the other old guy, the ball player, my ex, and then brez. The brez was the one I called at 4am on my way home from a too-long party. And oftentimes he answered at 4am. And when he called me at 4am, I always answered, because I frankly adored him. Although I never mentioned it to him, that is until I told him that when he had drunkenly mentioned that i should visit, i had bought a flight. :) he he:) oh, and did I mention that I told him I loved him like 20min after our first kiss. ugh.

Looking back, I think I am retarded in love. I am amazed at how I loose all bearings on normalcy and just shoot straight from the hip. I suppose that is one part of my life that is better when it isn't regimented, organized, and critiqued.