why do I have to work so hard?

Is it me? Is it a compulsion to be perfect? or is it actually all those extra forces that are providing their influence and general impact? Is it bad that I have worked overtime everyday this week? Or is it merely a sign of my dedication...

Today is one of those days that I wish I could be like some of my friends. You know the kid. The one that is the life of the party because that is all they do... they don't work (or if they do it's something fun, hip, and inherently cooler than anything I have done) they don't take life seriously... Essentially college me... just with money.

Somehow I have become this uber-driven-manically-motivated crazy person. I know that I stand a chance at incredible success for someone like me (meaning: age, sex, and field of employment), and just the thought of that possibility drives me to crazy lengths. For example... work WAY above my pay grade. Essentially, I am just above bottom of the barrel as for as my pay is concerned, but in work and responsibility, I have taken a giant leap for mankind. Basically I'm skipping over a few steps... and taking on a lead position. I don't blame them for putting me up to it...i am really the only one who knows anything about the project, and certainly the only one that can get it finished. However, that doesn't mean that I am actually qualified. I'm basically a wicked-awesome 12yr old. There is no reasonable reason why I should be supervising the people I am. In fact, it’s quite ridiculous.

The funny part is that I am actually really good at my job, and I have been here long enough to understand how the place works and who to talk to to accomplish what I need to do. All that at 12. If you stuck me anywhere else, I wouldn't be able to do it. Here, I have the applied knowledge that makes me valuable. Oh... and I'm not a b*tch. Not generally anyways. People like me, and those who don't resent me enjoy working with me. Cool. I occasionally have these moments of... "HOLY SHIT" "THERE IS NO WAY I SHOULD BE DOING THIS!!!" and "WTF...Me? Really?" Which in earnest, I am currently experiencing. I guess I can't do anything but what I am... just work my butt off and hope for the best. I haven't screwed anything up yet, so that is a bonus. .. Especially since the repercussions would be... insurmountable.

Right... no pressure... It's fine.