I have bought a nice little grouping of things for brez which i had planned on sending him for v-day. Surprising no one, this makes me sad. I have had these things for a while, and I am now just staring at them from my bed every night, wondering.
I can't sleep. I can't be happy for the future, because there is no real looming resolution to the fact that i technically have a boyfriend, but it can only really be labeled as technical at this point; because pending a determination of what a boyfriend should actually be... its limited to technical.
What should a boyfriend be? Someone whom you love? Someone that understands you? Someone that makes you laugh? Sure. The question however, remains, how exactly is that different than a friend? I have friends that serve the same function. I love them, they sometimes understand me better than i do, and make me feel better on a continual basis. Male or female, isn't that what qualifies as a friend?
Everytime I think about it, i want to bawl, curl up in a little ball, and dream it all away. Especially because i do love him.
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Hmm, a few trinkets I see.....baby by reading your blog, I know that you can get down about us. But I want to let you know that it is going to be just fine. I love you with my whole entire being, because you are the smartest, quick witted, funniest, most real girl I have ever met. I am soo excited about this weekend, I cant wait for you to FLY into De-twa.
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