my first day as a blogger...

Not only have i never done this before, I have never even been sucessful at maintaining a journal for more than 3 months at a time. lol this should be a blast. Basically I'm going to use this as an outlet for my many work-related and relationship-related frustrations conjoined with the interspersed happy moments that I get to witness. That being said, "let's start at the very begining, a very good place to start":

Ok, I am starting over right now, moving back to dc from my former hick-town residence, and I cannot be more confused, amazed, and bored by what has transpired in my life within the last oh.... 6 months.

Confused
The breakdown from the last 6 months: I was a picture of perfection, a virgo that "thrives in order" who was awaiting the day that I would be proposed to by the man I loved, finishing school, and trying to decide if and when I wanted to leave aforementioned hick town in the south for my good olde city. Of course I eventially reached a point at which I realize that all of my life-plans are hinging on the actions of another person. Granted, I loved him and was insatiably happy with him, but I began to wonder exactly how I had reached this point... of no return.

As a former womens college attendee, I had grown in the ideological basis that the girls like Jordan, who were incredibly talented individuals (and I stress individuals) that were granted the grace, intelligence, and general equipment to change the world were therefore granted the responsiblity to produce. Alas, as a model of what should be, Jordan did exactly what we didn't want; she up and married some skeezzy billionare that wanted his woman to be: a former model who would be pretty enough to get him elected and yet wouldn't inflict any serious subversion in the genetic production of their 14 perfect kids.

With Jordan as my model of what not to do, I began to plan a life. Past graduation and hick town. Mindful of how this could cause loveofmylife to think too much (a major problem for him as is not always the brightest with relations) and how I needed to focus on what I was finishing, I ploughed on through my seminars and finals.

When BAMMM! Emeril slugged me in the head with a pan. R-man came into the picture; short, and full of ... well something I will never grasp. Older and well-connected, I let myself wonder. WHOA. Big mistake. Lessons learned: 1) older=older not necessarily anything better than that. 2) connections and money I can work on, class is innate. and finally 3) I didn't want R-man, but what I wanted (loveofmylife) was slipping away on purpose.

So after innumberable arguements, and months later, I found myself still awake at 4:30am with an exam and the hours dwindling, contemplating why I had the cops called on me. THE COPS! ME! I was exaspirated and confused as to why I, most certainly the most docile of young women, was being told that I would have the cops to deal with within moments. ON THE PHONE! I wasn't beating anyone, nor even threatening (although I won't say what was whirring through my brain faster than anyone else could have entertained). It was at that moment that I burst into tears, curled up with a friend and sobbed for the remaining hours till my exam.

Apparently I did well in case there was concern. A few more arguements and tears later, I was not engaged to loveofmylife in fact, I was scorchingly single again.

Amazed.
Instantly, I was super-single. Apparently I was exuding singleness, as nearly every male i came into contact with wanted to hump me. who knew? I started laughing while kanye west's workout plan came on the radio, because I was the work out plan. I got what I wanted all the time. It was amazing. The professional athletes, the politicians, and the regular joes came out of the woodwork.

I will never understand what happened, I went out in hicktown, and I never had any contact with males I didn't already know. Then I move, and I'm a commodity? I wish someone would explain that to me. So this is where I'm at, amazed with a transformation in my life.


Bored.
As sad as it sounds, I am bored with it all now.