Sizes. Why do they matter?

On Sunday I picked up my friend special-K and we went to the Mall. We had hair appointments and then were going to do some recreational shopping. It was nice, I got the run-down from her date the night before, and a good hair day (no matter how expensive) is always appreciated.

I know this seems like a run of the mill experience, but it is really just the ground work for what happened later.

We shopped until we were satisfied we had spent way too much money, then went back to her place to meet the griz. In our friendships, we have this tradition called "the bin" which happens to be a container in which we deposit clothes we don't want for whatever reason, thereby making them open to all takers. Generally most of the items are given to charity, but this way we get to pick through and help each other. Bear in mind there are extreme body differences between the three of us: special-k is stretching to reach five feet tall size 4-6 (B) that repeatedly has to lop a foot off of her pants, while the griz is about 5'6'' now 6-8 (C). I on the other hand, am around 5'9'' (i think) and sized 12-14 (c). I am at least double their size. I tower. I look like the Rock, preparing to lay the smack down on the populace vs them... skilled jockeys.

I don't usually feel too bad about it, because I have attributes to soften my amazon-ness, blonde hair, blue eyes, and a feminine bone structure. However, both of them were formerly double their size, griz at 14, special-k at 10. Granted, I still play sports and have more muscle than the two of them put together, but that doesn't make me feel any better about anything. The fact remains that I'm a giant. My BMI is 26, putting me into the overweight category, and forcing me to re-evaluation of my size. In real life I'm in pretty good shape, but need to loose some weight.

So, I have started methodically tracking everything I eat and all my exercise. I've been at it about a week, and I've lost 3 lbs. As an athlete, it makes me kinda sad that I have reduced myself to this, when not long ago I prided myself on being able to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it.

Back to the story. The girls insisted on going through the "bin" for me, to see what I could take with me. RIIIIIGHTT..... I said, I don't think that's necessary, I just shopped a ton all day. (my attempt at placating them) Oh, I continued, and I'm sure the charity would like all the clothes they can get, no worries, I'll be fine. Its Tradition! They screeched... and with that the bin was purged, All my self esteem plummeting to the ground with it. They start picking through... oh.. this might fit... oh... she's got big shoulders... just try it... oh.... maybe not.....*sigh*

They weren't intending to make me feel like a cow. They wanted me to find something spectacular for me out of the BIN, but in the process I felt like a life-sized Barbie trying to fit into her doll-sized counterpart's wardrobe. It was scarring. Obviously, or I wouldn't be blogging about it. so. now I feel huge, and would like to cry. did you know that once you loose weight, the daily recommended caloric intake necessary for continuing to loose weight keeps going down? I'm down to like 1,450 calories a day! That's insane. I've been working out just to increase endorphins to deal with the stress of it all. Luckily that means I can squeeze in a bit more food. ugh. I want to cry and never put on clothes again.